Many parents have lots of questions about the divorce process, and one of the most common ones is whether or not they should stay together for the kids. This can be tempting when you get started on the documentation and legal processes that are required for a divorce. After all, change is hard, and a divorce is a very big change.
Your divorce attorney can help you figure out if you are ready to embark on the divorce process or if you should take some more time to think about things. This is a very big step, and you should be sure that you are not making a rash decision. If you are thinking about staying together with your ex for the sake of your kids, you should have a serious talk with a legal expert about what that decision means.
Staying Together Has Pros and Cons
There are often pros and cons surrounding the choice to stay with someone who you might honestly want to divorce. Adults can grow apart over time, but kids will need both of you to help raise them in order to be healthy and happy. One of the major pros of staying together with someone that you have fallen out of love with is that your kids will get to live in a stable home with both parents.
You might also be much more financially secure if you are not divorced and you will save a lot of money on legal fees. These considerations can be key when it comes to staying with someone that you have considered divorcing, and many people will opt to stay for the kids until they are a specific age to be sure that they avoid all of the unpleasantness that can surround a divorce.
The cons when it comes to staying together are that you are probably going to be inclined to fight with your spouse, which can be hard on the kids. There might also be issues with shared parenting, and things like vacations might be entirely off the table. Kids can feel tension like this, and they will start to be negatively impacted despite their best intentions.
At the end of the day, when the reason for a divorce is that you have fallen out of love with the person or you have just grown apart, you might need to weigh your options between staying and leaving. There are lots of moving parts in a divorce, and it’s an expensive process. No one will blame you for staying if you are not 100% certain that you are ready to split up with your ex.
When You Should Not Stay With Your Spouse
There are reasons that you should not choose to try and make things work with your spouse. The main reasons that you should always opt for divorce are physical or emotional abuse of you or your kids. There is no reason to expose your children to violence or verbal harm for any longer than necessary.
Many people try to stay together with a violent or abusive person for the well-being of the kids, but this actually causes kids a significant amount of harm. Many children who are living with parents who are actively engaged in an abusive relationship end up with social and mental health problems and might also copy the behavior when they are old enough to date or get married.
You should also remove yourself and your child or children if the living situation that you are being exposed to is not acceptable and your spouse will not take steps to remedy it. At the end of the day, you and your children deserve to feel safe, and you should not compromise on this point.
What Can I Do to Make Things Better?
If you are trying to figure out what can be done to make your relationship better, you might want to try couples counseling. You might be surprised at how easy it is to resolve the issues that you are experiencing as a couple with the help of an objective third party. Some people choose family counseling instead so that the kids can be involved in the counseling process as well.
If you are interested in making things work with a spouse who you are growing apart from, most of what will be needed is effort. Relationships take work, and saving one that is about to fizzle out will require loads of it. Ultimately, there are many people who still choose to divorce despite trying counseling and other ways of improving their relationship, but for some people, this is the intervention that is needed to save their marriage.
Make sure that you are not trying to make things work with someone who means you or your children harm. You should always feel free to leave dangerous or miserable situations as soon as possible. That is what divorce is for, after all, and you should continue with the divorce process if you are in danger or you feel like there is no way to live with the other person.
Working With a Skilled Lawyer Can Make a Big Difference
When it comes to choosing whether to divorce or not, working with a skilled legal team can make a big impact on your decision and the way that your case is handled. Some people just need someone to talk with about their options before they decide that they don’t want to get divorced after all. An experienced family law attorney will have seen cases of all shapes and sizes, and they can be trusted to offer you excellent advice when it comes to divorce.
You will want to keep in mind that you are used to being treated poorly by your spouse or you are used to the way life is now that you have grown apart. Determining if you think that there is any hope for your relationship can be tough. You should always be sure that you have thought long and hard about whether you want a divorce or not before you begin the work to get one.